Tuesday, March 13, 2012

Life's Purpose

Ever since I was very little, I was writing stories.  I remember when I was 7 or 8 my Mom bought me one of those bound, black and white marbled composition notebooks to write my stories in.  I still have it and love looking back at what my very young and imaginative mind came up with.  When I was a little older my Mom brought up her old, mechanical (not electric) typewriter from the basement, and for the next couple of years I could be heard clanging away on the old machine.  The first story I completed on the typewriter was one "Abominable Toilet Monster".  I have always been a horror aficionado!  I continued to write for years, moving off of the typewriter and onto computer, and occasionally writing by hand in well loved notebooks.  I wrote short stories, and started a journal, and then moved on to larger, novel length pieces - which pretty much were started and never completed.  I had always known that I was going to be a writer (actually aspired to be the next Stephen King), and planned to go to college for Creative Writing.

After high school that plan changed.  I started working and saw how much nicer it was to have money.  I started focusing on jobs and careers that would make me the most money.  Creative Writing as a major dropped by the wayside.  So did school, but that's another entry, for another time. 

I never stopped writing, however... I always did that.  Until a few years ago, when I decided to go back to school for technology.  Still working full time, and then going to night school, I entered one of the most emotionally draining times of my life.  It became even more so, when I saw what was a fantastic opportunity to get into the IT workforce.  Working 50+ hours a week in the office, and then going on-call for weeks at a time, with constant calls coming in, I once again chose money over quality, and left school to focus on work.  I became so overworked, so emotionally drained, that basically everything I loved to do fell by the wayside.  I stopped reading for fun, I stopped working out, I stopped developing my spiritual side, and I stopped writing.

At first I stopped because I didn't have any time, and I was in such a dark place emotionally that I allowed that negative thought to take over ('how can I have time to write, when I am constantly working!').  After a while the negativism continued, and my thinking morphed into 'who am I kidding?  I have been writing for years, and have yet to finish one novel.  I'm too scatterbrained to devote the time to finish one.  My writing is horrible and amateurish, who would ever want to read this crap.'  Eventually, even to this day - long after I finally found release from that emotionally draining time - those thoughts continued to dominate.  Not so much the time, but the fact that I am scatterbrained and I have yet to even finish the outline for a book (I tend to just write, I never plan - much like how I like to live my life).

Lately, however, those thoughts have been fading away, replaced with the pull to get back to business.  My unfinished stories have been calling to me, and new ones creeping up softly.  When I write I am almost in a meditative state; I honestly believe that many of my writings, if not all, have been channeled down through my higher self, with my guides happily helping.  Since I have came back to my spiritual journeying, this seems to be one of the biggest tugs that I've been feeling, and honestly, even this blog is one result of that tug.

Last night I had a pet-oriented reading with a gifted Angel Communicator, and during the reading she stopped and asked if I ever wrote.  I said I used to write for a long time but had since stopped.  She had pulled a card through which my guides were telling me that I need to get back to writing.  I said I know, thinking in the back of my mind how I am so scatterbrained and that I'm not good enough....  This morning while checking my Facebook feed for anything of note I came across a share that one of the pet pages I follow posted.  It was  promoting a book, "Angelo's Journey: A Border Collie's Quest for Home."  Instantly I felt two things after seeing it.  The first was that I wanted to read it.  The second was that I wanted to write.  I know for sure now that the time has come. 

I now understand that I will have all the help I need to stay focused and finish these stories.  All I have to do is ask.  Because when it comes to your life's purpose, your guides simply will not give up.

*** For those interested, Gina Sendef was the Angel Communicator I worked with last night.  Here is a link to her website:  http://www.ginasendef.com/  I highly recommend her ***


  1. Haha Abominable Toilet Monster...love it girl :)

    1. I am pretty sure I still have it, somewhere in the madness that makes up my closet... I need to try and find it!