Ice Rainbows and Eagles

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I left the house this morning in a bit of a rush, having remembered at the last second – which is typical for me – that the gas level in my car was  low and I wasn't sure if I would make it all the way in without stopping.   I had to sacrifice making a lunch in order to leave 10 minutes early, which would have given me plenty of time to stop if I needed to.  I had about 20 miles left to go when my car dinged to tell me that I really should consider Refueling.  There was a gas station about 5 miles up the road, and while prices are typically more expensive there than where I work, I decided that since Car was dinging with possibly more than  20 miles left before I reached my destination, and with the temperature gauge on the dash reading a balmy 1°, I better pull in and fill up.

As I pulled up to a pump I ignored a small feeling that I should move to another one.  It would prove to be a mistake (or would it?).  I quickly stopped the car, turned off the engine and jumped out to start the fueling process.  I tried not to think about the bitter cold that made it feel as though the layers of skin on my face and hands were stripped away as I fumbled out my card and swiped it into the machine.  The display was taking a long time to load up due to the sub-zero wind chill temperatures; I had my hands jammed into my coat pockets and was doing a tiny holy-shit-I-am-cold dance while my eyes bored holes into the screen.  Slowly it revealed the next step of instructions for me to enter thy pass code to proceed.  I started to punch in the numbers, and even though I heard it beep it did not display the asterisk on the screen serving as my visual confirmation of acceptance.  The cold.  The damn cold.  I continued on, trusting the beeps, and when I hit the ENTER button I found that it was frozen solid.  It would NOT budge.

Rather than accept the fact that the button was not working, my slight OCD kicked in and I continued to feebly smash my finger down onto the accursed thing for about a minute, mumbling to myself about my luck and why the hell did the damn thing have to be frozen.  I did not want to admit defeat.  Finally a voice popped into my head telling me that I really needed to hurry it up because my window of time that I had before being late for work was closing.  I walked to the other side of the pump to check that ENTER button, a fleeting thought crossing my mind that maybe every ENTER button was frozen in a ploy by the gas station to get you come inside, but that was functioning as smoothly as ever. 

I hopped in my car and pulled around to the other side of the pumps.  The display on the new pump seemed to be working a little better, and I thought I was on track again.  After punching in my code I grabbed the gas nozzle and put it in the tank, waiting for the “One moment please….” to disappear and be replaced with whatever the next phrase is (now that I think about it, I'm not sure I've ever really paid attention to what that actually is).  After 3 minutes, with the phrase still on the screen, and my patience level rapidly falling, it finally disappeared and told me that I needed to “See the Cashier”. 

I yelled a choice phrase at the machine, turned and speed walked into the building.  The cashier was finishing up with a customer but she must have read something in my face because she warily asked me right away how she could help.  My voice catching in desperation I blurted out that the pump was telling me to see the cashier and I really needed to get to work.  She told me that it hadn’t read my card, so I exasperatedly told her to just put $10 on the pump as I waived my card at her.  She then asked if the nozzle was off the handle, and I said yes… to which she responded that she wouldn't be able to put a pre-paid amount on the pump if the nozzle was not hung up. 

It was too much.  The culmination of the events just frayed too much on my nerves and I snapped.  I abruptly turned away from her, dropping a “Mother F*cker” bomb as I stormed out the door.  I never do that.  Ever.  While those close to me know that F*ck is actually a favorite word of mine that I use quite frequently, I am very conscious of when and where I use it, and who I am around.  I never want to be the cause of making anyone feel uncomfortable, and so I conduct myself in public very tactfully.  Except for that moment.

I reached the pump and was at this point seeing the world through a haze of red rage.  I swiped my card back through the reader and fortunately this time it read (very fortunate, because I likely would have imploded if it hadn’t).  The $10 put on by the cashier had applied, and so I began to pump the gas, willing it to go as fast as possible.  Once it reached the $9 mark it slowed to a snail crawl.  I started yelling at the thing, knowing there was nothing I could do but feeling like if I yelled it would make me feel better.  It didn’t.  It just fed the rage.  Finally the mark hit $10 and I sealed everything up to hop in the car and get the hell on the road.

I had enough sense to know that I didn’t want to tear ass out of the gas station and put anyone at risk, so I did sanely drive to the main road.  I looked at the clock to see that 15 minutes had gone by.  I was now officially running 5 minutes late.  I was seething with anger, questioning why the series of events had to unfold the way they did, thinking that if I would have just pulled up to a different pump, none of this would have happened and I’d be on time. 

There I was, holding on to and continuously feeding these negative and defeatists notions, when I happened to look out the driver’s side window.  I was met with an absolutely beautiful ice rainbow in the sky.  In that moment all of the negative feelings washed away, and I was left with that sense of awe that I always feel when looking out at the beauty of Nature.  I took in the rolling fields and distant tree lined horizon, the rising sun, the beautiful pale blue winter sky, and the ice rainbow, shining in its brilliance, reminding me in its soft, subtle way that life is better when you smile.

I was able then to laugh at myself and the situation I’d just gone through.  I felt chagrin at having lost it in the station and I mentally apologized to the cashier.  I recognized that I was the owner of my reactions, and I was choosing to be negative.  I did not want that – I do not like to be angry.  And so I stopped.  I smiled at the rainbow, and I continued on my way, lighter and fuller.

When lunch time came I left to go grab a sandwich and fill up the rest of my tank.  When I pulled into the gas station I saw that every single pump had an “out of service” bag on it.  Every single one.  I didn’t even get angry, just accepted that I’d have to get gas on the way home instead.  I walked in to get my Subway veggie sandwich, and saw that their credit card machine was down and they were only able to accept cash.  At that I slightly faltered, wondering where I was going to go for food (you may recall that I’m a vegetarian working in a slightly remote, very fried-meat-food oriented area), when I remembered these little machines called ATMs and saw there was one in the corner, happily functioning.  I got my sandwich, smiled to all the workers, and tried my best to project positivity, knowing that with the credit card machine down and none of the pumps working they were being met with enough negatives.

As I pulled away and headed back toward work, a large bird flying in the sky caught my attention.  At first I thought it was a crow, but as I neared it I saw that it was way too big to be one.  I had just gotten alongside it when it dipped its body toward me and I was able to see its white head.  A Bald Eagle.  I knew then without a doubt that the events of today were lessons, and I had soared through them with the sun on my face and the wind dancing in my hair.

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Remember that life is what we make it.  We choose how we react and how we chose perpetuates our environment.  How will you choose?  Will you be a victim, or will you be a survivor?

Stormily Yours, with much Love and Light!

Bec*

My Road to Vegetarianism (a processed-food girl's journey)

The start of 2012 marked a significant change in my life.  I finally made the move to a primarily vegetarian lifestyle, after what had been years of gearing up to it.  Once I finally made the change, I found that it's not so hard, nor boring.

I, like many other Americans, was raised with a "meat and potatoes" diet concept.  A meal was not complete nor optimally nutritious without some form of animal meat product.  This conditioning was so fundamental that it continued even as I grew older and my philosophical outlook evolved to that of living compassionately and respectfully with regards to all life on Earth.  I still looked at nutrition through the veil of "common knowledge."  What also was not helping was my lack of experience in the plant-based world.  I knew the basics but never branched out beyond, and when I started to explore the option of a vegetarian lifestyle, I always shunned away believing that I didn't like vegetables enough, and how would I ever survive?

As the years went by I continued to evolve.  I questioned more and did my own research.  I was eventually led to the documentary Food, Inc., which opened my eyes to Factory Farming, a concept I had never even heard of, and surprising enough, where my food came from and how it was prepared was something I never really thought about.  In this area I followed the "ignorance is bliss" motto, and tried to not think about how the meat in my meals came to the plate. 

After watching Food Inc. I changed how I bought meat.  I will admit that although I tried very hard to buy meat from family, sustainable, and organic farms, I was not always consistent.  I still ate fast food once or twice a month because I was "in a hurry" or needed that hangover "cure-all": grease.  I would sometimes buy cheaper meat cuts with the qualifier that I was on a budget and needed to watch my spending habits.  When going out to eat I wouldn't even think to consider vegetarian options, because I was in the mindset that with the amount I was spending on a meal, I might as well "make it worth the money."  I had so many "conventional wisdom" beliefs going on in my mind and I never thought to bring them closer to examine for myself.

This all started changing for me last year.  I don't know what happened to spark it, but I began to shed those "conventional wisdom" beliefs and "common knowledge" ideas.  I began looking more towards myself for answers.  One of the areas that I started looking at was health, and how the saying that "you are what you eat" was ringing absolutely true.  I have struggled with my weight and energy level for years, and finally had come far enough in the "evolution of me" to look at my lifestyle and see where I could improve and outright remove damaging habits.  This thinking eventually led me to two additional documentaries: Food Matters and Forks Over Knives.  Both documentaries explore the benefits of a whole food, plant-based diet, eliminating processed foods and greatly reducing (if not removing completely) animal protein.  Without going in to much detail about what these documentaries are all about (I've linked the websites so you can explore on your own), after watching both of them I decided that enough was enough.  I had been seeing so much pointing in this direction already that it was time for me to make the lifestyle change I truly feel I've always been meant to do.

I will not lie - it is not always easy.  You have to be motivated to prep food, and since I was raised in a processed food world, this has been an obstacle for me.  It's so much easier to grab a box of Cheez-its or throw a frozen meal in the microwave than to bust out and start chopping all the ingredients to a big salad.  I still do eat some processed foods, but I have greatly reduced the amount and 80% of my nutrition now comes from whole grain, plant-based sources.  I have also found that by spending a couple hours on Sunday I can prep all my veggies for the week, making it easy to make my lunches and speeds up dinner.  And much to my delight my love of learning has translated into having a blast researching vegetarian recipes, cooking styles, and foods that I had never heard of or tried before.

Surprisingly,  after a few weeks of baby steps, meat was the easiest thing to eliminate.  I have reworked my mind enough that when I think of meat, I think of the animal it was and what it went through, and that is enough for me to be completely turned off.  I say I live a primarily vegetarian lifestyle because at the moment I still eat fish and seafood, but I do aim to remove that from my diet altogether.  I do not stress myself over it, however, because stress is so detrimental and I know that my changes so far have already had a huge impact not only on my spiritual being, but the environment as well.

It is a learning process, as with many things once you awaken your mind and start paying attention.  I still have problems with energy levels after I eat certain things, so I am learning to determine what causes those and try to adjust where needed.  My husband is also not a vegetarian - nor would I ever force him to be - so it is a challenge to find recipes that he will also enjoy with me.  I am very lucky that he is super supportive of my decision, and he welcomes the idea of eating healthier.  He is more than willing to eat the dinners I create - or at least try them - and so far everything I have made has been a success with him, so I'm happy about that!  Even though I am still learning and the change has not been easy, the benefits I've seen so far have confirmed my decision.  I feel lighter, healthier, and I've saved about 25% in my weekly trips to the grocery stores!

***This entry chronicles my journey into a significant lifestyle change.  I would never force my views or opinions on to anyone else, but I do encourage everyone to take a moment to look into these matters and do some of your own research, so that you can make an educated decision for yourself. ***